And Now, We Wait: How to Manage Waiting in Adoption

By Anna St. Martin

May 2, 2023

4m read

You’ve spent countless hours preparing, researching, gathering paperwork, completing background checks and finally, the application is in, your home study is complete. All you want is a tiny glimpse into the future, some glimmer of hope that a missing piece of your family’s puzzle is waiting just around the corner.

You don’t need all the answers right away, you would gladly settle for a due date, a gender, or even the knowledge that your profile is in the short stack, awaiting a decision from a pensive expectant mother. Waiting on your morning coffee to brew is hard...waiting to find out who your future child will be can be absolute torture.

The fact that there typically isn’t a timeline when it comes to connecting prospective adoptive parents with expectant mothers makes the waiting process a daunting one.

But do not despair, there are a few things you can do (and not do) to make life easier while you hang out in adoption limbo.

5 Do's & Don'ts to Manage the Adoption Wait

1. Do live your life!

Take that trip you and your spouse have been planning for months. Remodel that bathroom you’ve been meaning to get to since you moved in. Visit those relatives you’ve been wanting to see but just haven’t gotten around to. The beauty of modern technology is that information is never more than a phone call, text, or email away. If you make a connection with a birth family, you will know immediately!

Putting life on hold will only make the waiting process harder so get out there and do your thing.

2. Don’t sit around and worry.

Your home study is complete, your profile is spot-on, and a connection will happen when it's supposed to happen. Plus, you have an entire support system in your corner! Worry will unfortunately not speed up the process and will only wreak havoc on your nails. So save your cuticles and your sanity, and instead, distract your mind with something meaningful like volunteer work or take up a new hobby to help pass the time.

Better yet, take advantage of Pairtree’s unlimited education courses (included with any Pairtree package), and use this time to learn more about adoption and what the future holds for you as an adoptive parent. Productivity will decrease stress levels, and you can take comfort in knowing that with PairTree Connect, you can check your profile views on demand.

Allow yourself to trust the process, and know that things ARE happening.

3. Do nest (if you want to).

If preparing a nursery or bedroom for your future child makes you happy, by all means, go forth and DIY. Even if the gender is unknown, many adoptive parents find joy in decorating their future child’s bedroom in gender neutral tones, or at least putting together the furniture or throwing on a new coat of paint. It provides many couples a sense of comfort knowing that they will have a clean, quiet, welcoming space to bond with their baby.

On the other hand, don’t feel pressured to have a nursery picture-perfect prior to placement. There will be plenty of time for that later on. All your child needs are the basic necessities, a clean, comfortable home, and time to bond with their new family.

4. Do connect with other adoptive parents.

Adoption is hard. Having a strong support system is critical to make it through the adoption process and there is no greater support than connecting with other parents who have been through the process themselves and lived to tell the tale.

They will be able to share their stories with you, the ups and downs of their journeys, and the joy that they now experience as adoptive parents, all the while reassuring you that it will all be worth it in the end. They will guide you, cry with you, pray for you, and rejoice with you when that precious baby is finally placed in your arms. This community is an invaluable resource as you navigate the tumultuous waters of adoption. Lean on them!

And don’t forget, the PairTree family is here to help you each and every step of the way.

5. Don’t give up!

Discouragement happens and challenges will arise, but don’t let them keep you down. Each and every adoption journey is unique. Some families might wait years while others are thrown into parenthood with very little warning. You might experience disappointment, disruptions, or unmet expectations. Even something as simple as the need for an updated home study has the capacity to elicit defeatist attitudes from hopeful adoptive parents.

The point is: IT WILL HAPPEN! Don’t be afraid to daydream a little and visualize what life might look like once you welcome your baby home. Own your journey and pave the way with positive thinking.

Just remember, someday, you will be the one recounting your story to a prospective adoptive family, if your precious little angel will let you get a word in edgewise, that is.

There is no question that the journey to adoption is a roller coaster full of ups and downs, but in the end, we believe the destination is well worth the ride.

PairTree wants to make your ride as smooth and comfortable as possible. We want you to find peace and joy in your adoption journey, knowing with confidence that we are here to hold your hand every step of the way. So buckle up, hold on tight, and head on over to PairTree Home Study to start your own adoption journey. We’re ready for you!

Anna St. Martin Anna's professional history is primarily in education where she worked as a middle school English/Language Arts teacher and later as a school counselor. After having their son, Oliver, and later adopting their daughter, Charlotte, Anna chose to spend a few years at home as a stay-at-home-mom. It was during their adoption journey that she met their amazing home study evaluator who inspired her to pursue a career as a home study provider and help others grow their families through adoption.