Speaker Series: Allison Olson Talks Open Adoption & Adoption Conversations

Jess Nelson: For those of you who don't know, my name is Jess. I am the community manager here at PairTree, and I'm so excited tonight to talk about open adoption. It is a topic that is very close to my heart, both as a birth mom and as an adoption professional. So I'm so excited to have Allison Olson joining us tonight to discuss all things open adoption, her incredible children's books, surrounded by Love, and how to navigate some of those difficult conversations at home.

Jess: Allison has a unique perspective in our community, both as an adoptee in a closed adoption and an adoptive mom in an open adoption. Her goal through her advocacy and her books is to change the adoption narrative from the lucky child to the loved child. And I don't wanna give away too much of your story, so I'm gonna hand it over to you, Allison.

Allison Olson: Thanks, Jess. I appreciate it. And thank you everyone for, for joining. It's so nice to meet everyone.

Allison: So my experience, I was born in 1979 and adopted in 1980. So you can imagine that back then, open adoption was either being tested on a few people or something, but it did not exist. It was not widely known. So when I found out about open adoption through the adoption of our youngest daughter, we were very excited. But you know how much people really know about what it means to be a closed adoption versus open adoption. Because I do talk to a lot of adoptive parents and I, I've even seen in forums where they'll say, um, oh, our open adoption has moved to a closed adoption, and that's not the case. Right?

Allison: So to be a closed adoption, it means that the courts have legally sealed the name of the birth mom and father from the adoptee. And so that's, that's a huge difference, right? And, and a lot of adoptive parents also think, oh it's unsealed or it can be obtained when the adoptee is 18. And that's not true either, right? So it all depends on different states, but a closed adoption very much means that it is closed.

Allison: And then an open adoption, I like to say it's a spectrum, right? So from the smallest point is just names. So a first and last name of a birth mom or birth father all the way to birth mom and birth grandparents watch the kids sometimes on the weekends, like a real close relationship, right? So anywhere in between. And so if you've crossed over, if you have names, you are in the open spectrum, right? And then as relationships always ebb and flow, it can move along that spectrum, right? But I just wanna make sure that that's a clear distinction. So having an open adoption for our daughter is very, very important to us. And keeping that relationship and keeping all of the information that we get so that as she grows up, she knows about her heritage, she knows about her family. She knows that we love her family because remembering that adoptees…that's the whole of themselves, right? And so to love them, is to love their birth family too. All flaws involved, right?

Allison: And so going back to my story, I'm from a closed adoption. And then our daughter, we were selected by her birth mother mostly because I am adopted. And then my husband, his father adopted him. So his mom was a single mom when his father adopted him. And so she figured that we would have a lot of experience and that we would understand. And it has been wonderful. It's been like one of the biggest blessings. I mean, we have two children, so we have two amazing blessings. It's been wonderful to watch that relationship grow.

Allison: And the reason that I wrote this book was, as most of you guys probably did as well, when you're preparing for the birth and adoption of a child, you get the nursery ready, you get the other things ready. Or if it's an older child, you know, you get the room ready, you do the the things, but then usually you wanna get the books right. Because you wanna make sure that they grow up and understand what being adopted is. And so I went out and I bought most of the highly recommended books. And I just felt like they didn't have the story I wanted to tell. I just felt like they were missing. The important aspect really most of 'em were missing the main character, like one of the main characters, right? The birth mom. The text wouldn't refer to her. Definitely the illustrations wouldn't. There are some now where, where it's coming into play, but I just really wanted that piece and that aspect to be shown and narrated in a book.

Allison: One of the cute things actually that my illustrator did that I loved, I'll pull it up here real quick. It's like a hidden nugget. So you get to see the hidden nugget. And this is the narrator. It's an owl. That's why we got the stuffy there. She doesn't like to stay put. So all of the main characters, so this is the birth mom. She's always shown in pink. The adoptive mom is always shown in like a yellowy color. Adoptive father is always shown in blue.

Allison: Yeah, Jess, I could see. And that's also because my illustrator, her brother's adopted. It was important to me to find someone who really could understand the complex emotions that were involved. That's why I went with her. So that's a little bit about my background. I know I could talk about a lot of different elements of it, but that's a little bit of it.

Jess: I love that. I love that little nugget. I had never picked up on that before and I've read your book and flipped through it so many times, especially here lately, so I love that. Well, what I know that you touched on "Surrounded by Love" because you found that there wasn't a book like that in the adoption space. And so how can families use your book to help start those conversations at home?

Allison: That's a great question.

Allison: I will say that growing up, I do believe that even though my parents didn't have really good training back then in 1979 or 1980, I am very proud of the way that they handled things. My brother and I both adopted. We always get the next question. But no, we are not biologically related. We're so used to getting these questions right, that we just answer 'em before they get asked. We've just always known we were adopted. So if anyone would ask, we're like, "oh yeah, we're, we're adopted and blah. You know, it was like just a part of us." And I think that that is really important. And also having curiosity with your children, with your adoptee, I'll say with your adoptee, because somebody might be on here that's a family member of an adoptee, not necessarily a parent. Having curiousity to learn and know about whatever makes them unique.

Allison: Um, and their uniqueness might be similar to their birth family, might be similar to adoptive family, might be totally unique about them. Um, and so just being on that journey with them. And so I think that hopefully it's a place, this book is a start to those discussions and, you know, it's written for a very early age, so zero to five, and it's intentionally written.

Allison: With the focus of love, because as I mentioned before, some of the other books, what I found is either the birth mom was not illustrated or if the words were describing her, they would talk about the struggle of the decision, right? Because obviously that is a difficult decision.

Allison: But they would never talk about the big difficult decisions of the adoptive parents. It just did not ever feel balanced. And as an adoptee reading them, I put them in the pile of, "please don't read this to my child." And in fact, there were some that I even had to hide in the basement so that my husband wouldn't even accidentally read them to our child. So definitely, take a look at these books. Make sure it just follows whatever you feel is appropriate as a message for your child. I think that hopefully it's a good discussion point, right? There's different points in the book that even talk about grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins from the birth family.

Allison: The thing I would also say is have a little forgiveness for yourself. You do not have time to watch everything, especially when they get older. They pick a Netflix movie and then you're like, oh, goodness. And you hear it from the other room as you're like, washing dishes. They're like, "oh, guess we're gonna have to talk about this." It's totally fine, right? Know that kids are stronger than you think. I'm excited to hear it. Yeah, I would read the book if you guys want me to read the book. Why not? Um, I just read it at a daycare on, on Monday. It was so much fun, you guys. There was an entire class that gave me a hug. I thought this is the best. I got a hug from like 10 kids at once. Um, but uh, but yeah, with, with the books and the movies, It's like, try your best, but you're not gonna be able to see and read everything and hear every message before they get to it. Know that they're stronger than you think, and just always be that open communication line with 'em to help them with it.

Allison: One of the big things, I mean, you know, I could just rattle off right now the questions they're gonna get from their friends. Um, the thing that I say in my advocacy work that, that Jess was talking about is that. It is interesting to me that, um, so many other, and I will say marginalized groups, cuz we, you know, we're having to kind of protest for legislation to get our records. You know, everyone should have their birth certificate, right? Um, so, so, You know, there's so many other marginalized groups that to me, have made amazing leaps right? Over the years, and I'm like so proud of these groups, right? Like you'll, you'll even, uh, meet like a super, you know, southern cowboy guy who will ask you your pronouns and you're like, yes, they have made progress with that, right?

Allison: In adoption. I'm here to tell you, other than us, everyone's in the 1950s and it is terrible. You guys would. You would cringe if you heard the things they say to me. And these are people that mean, well, these are people at family reunions that are kind of distant family. These are, uh, friends, these are coworkers. These are people at the grocery store. Um, from, well, do you know your real parents to, um, You know, oh, were you just deserted somewhere? Like were you just left somewhere? You know, like, were you a baby in the trash can at the prom? I mean, like, these are people, adults say this to me still. Um, and so I use it as a teaching moment, you know? Does that feel like the right thing to say to me? I just bought apples, come on. Um, but. This is something collectively that, that I think as this community, we need to be aware of that even though you think your children, you know, like, you're like, man, I got 'em in the best schools. I, I love their teachers. All these things. Just be prepared that this is going to happen. So, and I actually now get different things. So this was another question just a, just asked me if it's different now as an adoptive mom.

Allison: Now I'm getting even more strange things. And now you guys are probably all gonna shake your heads with this one. Like Uhhuh, I get this a lot. Um, thank you. Thank you for adopting this child, right? Uh, you know, they are so lucky to have you. And I just right away always say, oh, no, no. We're the lucky ones. They were always loved. They're good. Like we're, we're the ones that wanted them, not vice versa. They'll figure out when they're older or if they really wanted me or not, but, you know, um, and so that's the stuff that I get now as an adoptive parent. So, so it's interesting. Um, but yeah, I think the language, I think we've got a lot of work to do, um, in the non-ad adoptee. I guess I should say not being touched by adoption community. Right. So let's see this other question here. Been a good imagine for emotion, mom babysat children who were never told they were.

Allison: Yeah. Oh yes. That for sure. Yes. Um, yes, it, it does feel less taboo to talk about it. And there have been a whole bunch of psychological studies on adoptees to prove out that open adoption is much healthier. So, in fact, you'll find it's quite difficult if you want to get a closed adoption. Um, even approaching an agency, agencies are like, we don't want that with a 10 foot pole. So it's usually through, um, like a. Like a lawyer, you know, if you're doing an adoption through a lawyer and it's something specific the birth mom wants or, or that the adoptive parents want. But it's very rare, um, that closed adoptions are happening now, but it's just gonna take a while, you know, for all of us adoptees that went through that, um, to be old enough and then to get our legal rights back.

Allison: So yeah, these are great. These are great questions.

Jess: And to make sure the states are on board with unsealing. All of those original birth certificates.

Allison: Yes. And if you guys are ever, if there's ever a bill up or anything like that, please contract, contact your congressperson to, um, to get it passed. That's, that's what I would ask, because again, what what's someone doing it? It's a name. That's all we're taught. Like it's not gonna ruin anyone's life. Um, facts are facts. That's what I always say to people because, um.

Allison: Right. Um, there are some where it's a foster care situation. Um, there's somewhere a biological parent might be in jail. Um, so I'm trying to like use some real extreme cases here. That's a fact. And they might wanna know that, and they might want like, I mean, I just feel like a lot of, a lot of, um, all of us want to know the truth about ourselves and our true origin. Right? True, true heritage too. Like I always use the example, somebody's got like an uncle, right? Who's obsessed with your family tree. It's like on ancestry, like, I found somebody from 1700, blah, blah, blah. You know? So think about that curiosity as a non-ad adoptee and then as an adoptee, of course, they would be curious about that. So, um, so it just makes sense, right? And it doesn't change the fact.

Allison: So I did a, um, a blog post for, um, Adoption the Longview, she does blog posts in November. And my, my big statement in there to tell all adoptive parents, Is you are the parent, you're the one they're growing up with. Like, there, there should be no, there should be no question in the back of your mind, like, are they gonna leave me for their birth family? They might want a relationship with their birth family, and that's totally okay. In addition to you, right?

Allison: You know, you don't, you don't have like, Another child enters your home, you know? Okay. The love I had for the first child is less I'm gonna take this much away. To say it's not the way, that's not the way it works, right? And so I just always wanna encourage adoptive parents to know that and to know that nothing can undo the kisses and the the love when they, you know, scrape their knee on their first bike accident, they're coming to you and they're crying. You are their comfort zone. You are who they love. And. Love grows and doesn't divide. So that's, that's my piece. Let's see. Aw, thanks.

Allison: Let's see. Mom's birth records were destroyed. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's extremely difficult, but he is never shown interest. Yeah. Yeah. And that one's a tough one. Um, because you wouldn't want, you know, you'll have to. Just kind of follow their lead, right? So if, um, you know, some, some adoptees want to know, some adoptees don't want to know, but I've never found an adoptee where if there is available information that is at your household that is within your, um, you know, that you have received as an adoptive parent. That they wouldn't want to know that, so, so they want all honesty that you have. Right. Um, my, my brother, um, a year and a half older than me after I went through my search for my biological family, mine was quite stressful and strenuous. Um, he did not want to do it. So he saw me. He was also very protective of me and my feelings. Um, and he didn't like the, the way that mine panned out for me. And, uh, and so he was adamant he was never gonna do it. So just follow their lead. You know, follow, like you said, your, your brother and stuff. Yeah, just, just follow, follow their lead and, and see what they want and be there. Like I said, just be there on the journey. If they're curious, you're curious. If they wanna close the door, let the door be closed, you know, just follow their lead on it.

Jess: I love that. And when do you think is, Because everyone has a different opinion. When do you think as an adoptee and an adoptive mom is the appropriate time to start talking about their adoption in your home and in your family?

Allison: Ah, yesterday, yes. That's my answer yesterday. Um, Yeah, I just, the, the sooner, uh, the better. And here's where I will come in and hopefully you can all take a deep breath after I tell you this. You're never gonna mess it up. You're never gonna mess it up. So, so what I tell him is like, You say something, you feel like you kind of flubbed it up, right? Like, you guys, I'm the worst at comebacks, right? Like if somebody was like, Allison, you smell and blah, blah, blah, right? I'd be like two days later be like, aha, I got it. Right. The best part about with kids is that nothing is off limits, right? So you can have a conversation, right? And you can feel like, man, I didn't do that justice. I wish I had said A, B, and C. Um, Say it to him after you think that and say, Hey, a member two days ago we were talking about your adoption. I was trying to explain something and I kind of said it like this. Well, hey, what I wanted to say was this. That's great. And then, you know what you guys Yeah. Do conversations about adoption. So, so do not feel worried about it. I, I hear adoptive parents all the time that are worried about, um, cuz I have a really close friend that's also an author and, um, You know, we were talking on kind of like a little podcast YouTubey thing, and she felt like, you know, she had accidentally said the term lucky to me, and then she's like, oh, I shouldn't have done this job. I go, perfect, let's talk about it. Let's talk about why do you feel like that? Why do you know? And that's the whole thing, like when the person at the grocery store says something, um, Oh, you guys look so alike to your transracial adopted child and you're thinking, oh wow, that was far stretched. Okay, stranger, thank you. That's none of your business. Um, and you can't think of anything at the time cuz just, you know, took you off guard, right?

Allison: You get home from the grocery store and you think of it, pull your child aside and say like, wasn't that silly? We don't look alike. You look like your biological family. I look like grandma so-and-so, and grandpa so-and-so, right? And like, you know, just have that conversation then. So just you can't mess it up is the way that I'll say it. And especially I. Just don't make it. It doesn't have to be something big. It can just be lots of little small things cuz something big feels big and then we're nervous about it. And then we go into this conversation, we're nervous about it, and then they're like, why are we nervous?

Allison: You know? And so yeah, start with some books, start with the movie or two, um, when they get much older and they're watching movies and you're like, Ooh, it's like cringeworthy or something about adoption, right? And you're like, oh, I don't know about that. You say like, well, how did you feel? How you know that that's an adoptee right there?

Allison: How did you feel they were portrayed how, you know, whatever. And they might be like, meh, it was fine. You know, like elf, right? There's some weird parts of Elf, you know, they, they say give up for adoption, instead of placed for adoption, but. He ends up with a good relationship with his birth dad and his adopted, like, you know, it's like, could, could end up being fine with him.

Allison: So I say lots of little conversations, start the conversation yesterday. When I look back at my past, I cannot pinpoint a time. When my parents told us, when our parents, when my brother and I, you know, when our parents told us we were adopted, I do remember different points where they needed to reinforce it. Right? Where, um, it was statements around, um, you know, well, but I didn't come outta your belly. No, you didn't. We've talked about this. You didn't come outta my belly, you know, and so, So like I remember those reinforces cause it was like, oh yeah, okay, I'm adopted and I didn't come out of her belly. Like those kinds of things. So yeah, I think don't be scared, start it small. Um, Yeah, that would, that, those would be, that'd be my thought. And then especially if you do know an adult that's adopted, you also could point that out because, um, my, my friend who's an adoptive parent, her, like daughter's super drawn to me because she's like, wow, she's adopted too, you know, and like, you can actually be older and be adopted because, you know, you always think of play dates, right? So it's like, try to get, you know, so then they're all the same age growing up, but just any type of an adoptee is a good, um, Good way for them to see that, ah, you can grow up and be an adoptee.

Allison: How do you handle well balanced boundaries?

Jess: Oh, good question.

Allison: Whew. I mean, that is difficult. That is difficult. Um, and that is difficult across all relationships, right? Whether it's like biological to adoptive or just like, I don't know if anybody's got a crazy ant, but like, you know, crazy ant you don't want coming over all the time either. So very similar. Very similar. Um, you try to set up the boundaries while keeping the love there and the openness there. Um, but sometimes there's unhealthiness, um, whereas a parent safety is first, right? Um, and. And so I, I will, I'll go with one here. That's another extreme, right? Um, uh, when you've got addiction.

Allison: When you've got addiction that could be unsafe for the child. Um, so also I think it's important to be honest with the child. They are picking up way more. Than you think they are, w way more. Um, and they are definitely picking up, um, your nervousness to, to be around them. They might even be picking up. Um, if somebody's going to the bathroom a lot right. To maybe do drugs or something, something extreme right? I'm, again, I'm trying to use these extreme cases. Um, so being honest with your children, uh, without talking down about another human being. You know what I'm saying? So like facts, you know, they, they struggle with addiction. Um, and it's addiction to drugs. And drugs. We know drugs aren't safe, right? Yeah. Yeah. Mom, dad, drugs aren't safe. Um, so, so, you know, whenever they're in a better place in life, we're gonna, we're gonna be there for them then. And so, so I mean, you know, it's your responsibility as a parent to. You know, to set up boundaries and make sure your child is safe.

Allison: Um, and I think it's fine to be honest with, with the kid, and I know that it, it sounds tough, um, but they, they oftentimes are more aware of, of it than what, than what you think. It's a good question. I hope that that did it justice. I don't have exact concrete things.

Jess: Balancing those boundaries doesn't necessarily mean that you have to close off communication, you know, for forever and ever. You can pause, handle what's in front of you and circle back. But in that time, you know, for families that I've worked with, that their adoption is not open, but it's not obviously closed and sealed, but there's just not a, an open line of communication at that time. I always encourage them to, whatever you want to say, whatever you want to send them, get a Rubbermaid tote, keep it, keep that artwork, keep those letters, keep those pictures, and then when that communication is healthy again and that that door is open again, then you have all of these things that you can present to them to show them that. You've been thinking about them this whole time.

Allison: Yeah, no, I would, I totally agree. And, and remember, it's like tough. It's tough to think about, especially if you haven't had conflict in your own family before. Right. Like having, um, you know, estranged members of your family, which again, is like more like a pendulum than really how relationships work. Relationships ebb and flow, right? And sometimes it's like, who, it's not the right time to be like hanging out with so-and-so or whatever, right? Like, maybe they're very sad or they've moved and they're busy, right? It's like it can be these simpler things where it's like, There's more contact, there's less contact. And again, I'm trying to use it more of a, like, if you thinking about yourself hanging out with your aunt, right? So something that seems, um, seems less stressful to think about, right? And if she gets busy and can't reach back out to you, or she's moving and she's, or she has some health issues or something, and you think about how, then you might not see each other as much, but it might move to texting from time to time. Or if it is unsafe, you know, it's just waiting until, you know, and I even know of some adoptive families that, um, they are on the religious side, so if you're not, this is a little different. You could do it in a different way. Um, you could light a candle or something, but like they would pray for, uh, the members of the birth family who are struggling with addiction.

Allison: So praying for them to, to get to a place where you can have that relationship again and with the child. So they're like, okay, because again, it's always important to the child that you love every part of them. And every part of them is their birth family and you, it might not make sense to you, but it does, it does to them. I'm, I'm here to tell you, I, I haven't even met all my birth family. And it would mean, it would still mean the same to me. Like if, you know, if somebody was like, oh, that guy's a real jerk, I'll be like, oh guy's, actually my birth uncle, like, that's offensive. You know? So it, yeah. I'm just, I'm rambling on here, but, um, yeah.

Allison: And social media. Ooh, social media is totally different. I am selective about my own family. That's on my social media, so I can only imagine. Uh, you get people that maybe also don't know how to use social media, 500 likes of things, just immediately writing stuff off the cuff. I think that's a decision for you guys in. Who you want to connect to social media. So having a relationship with someone does not mean they have to be on your Facebook page or have to be on Instagram or something like that. Um, just, just so that you know. So, um, so yeah. Oh, and I read FaceTime too fast. I read his Facebook. Okay. Um, oh, that hairstyles.

Allison: Oh yeah. Um, let's see. Okay. I'm on the beginning of the adoption journey. Ooh. Okay. Um, I feel like that's a better question for Jess cuz I don't know necessarily, uh, the only thing I heard from, from my agency is that everyone is looking for something different. And so I will let Jess as a birth mom answer that. I feel like that's outta my swim lane.

Jess: That's actually the first thing I say whenever someone asks me that question. Or what is an expectant mom looking for? It's. Everyone is looking for something different. Some expectant moms seek out a family that has no children in the house already. Some don't want their kiddos to be an only child. You know, one of my favorite, dear to my heart expectant. Well, birth moms that I worked with specifically chose a family because her favorite animal was a sloth. And this couple had a picture of them with a sloth at the zoo in their profile book, and that is why she chose this family. Um, and so my advice is to to be you. Be authentic. Don't try to be. This picture perfect, polished version of what you think someone wants, because being you and being authentic is only going to help build a better relationship in the future.

Allison: And I grabbed something so that, again, I like to stay in my swim lane. Um, so I'll speak from the adoptee standpoint and I'll speak from the adoptive parent standpoint. Um, I also made, uh, this. Which is a journal, right? Um, so it's love Letters to my Child, and I suggest that adoptive parents, my daughter has drawn in this one a little bit, but, um, each one, like each different page says like something different. It's like, dear loved child, dear, um, let's see here. Sweet Child. Um, and it's like different letters to write to them while you wait. And the thought was, you know, their waiting is tough. It's like one of the toughest parts like you would think getting fingerprinted in a bajillion background checks and having to go to your local police officer and get a like, you know, like a handwritten thing from them. Like, we approve this family. You would think that would be the toughest part, but it's the weight, right? And it's waiting for a birth mom to choose you and. So taking that time and that even a little bit of, um, you know, there, there's emotion and some people even go through a lot, like a lot of um, uh, Situations where a birth mom chooses to parent, like, you know, selects them and then chooses to parent.

Allison: It's been called disruption in the past. I think that word's going away. So I'm just gonna be cautious about it. But that's very emotional. And if all of that was channeled into a journal that you give to your child, can you imagine like, There is no question. This child was loved. You know, I wanted you, I was hoping this was you, and this was not you. Birth mom's gonna parent this child. I'm still waiting for you, but I know you're out there, right? And it's healing for you. Writing these words, can you imagine an adult adoptee that is going through trying to figure out who they are and understand their adoption and they can look back and say, Oh no, there's no question that I was loved. And this was, this was inspired by one I did that I wished I had started earlier from my daughter. I started it from the moment we got the phone call, um, that she, it was actually like the phone call that she was going into labor. Um, And so I wrote it like, you know, we just got the phone call. Here's how we're feeling. We're trying to pack really fast. I'll write more at the airport. And then it was like, I'm at the airport, like, we can't wait to meet you. And you know, daddy's pacing around like crazy and you know, like all this stuff. And so then she can look back. And, and that it's hers. It, it's all hers. And even in there, every time I would talk to the birth family, I'd be like, Ahan, I'd be like, really listening. And I'll go back and I'd be like, okay, okay, uncle so-and-so, and aunt so-and-so, because I didn't want, as an adoptee, I didn't wanna miss any detail that she might wanna know in the future. So I like drew out little family trees, like my understanding of who the aunts and uncles were and all that stuff. Um, So, yeah. So that, that's a thought too of, um, while, while you wait,

Jess: what was as an adoptive mom, what was the hardest part of the wait for you?

Allison: Ooh, oh my goodness. Um, I, hmm. That is tough. You know how you go through things and then you look back and it all seems simple. Um, every, I, I will say every minute felt like a year, and we, we. A lot of us have been there every minute. It felt like a year. Um, so that's why I'm sure like, as an adoption professional Jess that you're like, you know, people call you and you're like, didn't I just talk to you last week? I thought they talked to you two years ago. I mean, it's just like, it feels so slow and you can get really preoccupied with things that don't matter. I. You know, um, I'm on, I'm on all the, um, not all of 'em. I'm on a lot of different groups, right. Like Facebook groups and stuff like that. And, and so I do see people, they're like, oh, still waiting. And, but, but they're reaching out to others to say, how long have others been waiting? You know, like, we just want, I want a sense of are we longer than other people? Or, you know, should we change something or what, you know, whatever. Um, And so, yeah, I would say that's the biggest thing is that it feel feels like a very, very long time.

Allison: Um, I, gosh, it's, it's tough to even remember. Um, we were selected really early on, uh, in her pregnancy. She was about four months when we got the phone call, four months pregnant. So we had five months together, which was really cool. Um, and. You could think a little stressful, but, but not for us, cuz we had the perspective. We just loved her right away. You know, we just, we bonded with her and loved her right away. And we just felt like even if she chooses to parent, this child's gonna be super loved. So like, child's in a great situation no matter what happens. Like we're, you know, and, uh, and it was just, it, it was kind of surreal.

Allison: Um, and it's very interesting to meet someone for the first time when they are delivering a. A baby, you're like, hi, how, how you doing? You know? Um, so there, there's definitely stuff like that. I can't wait to finally actually ask her how she felt when she met me while she was, you know, delivering baby. But, um, but yeah, and I love her family. Um, her extended family is, Part of our family, right? So like our daughter has grandparents on that side, um, has, has siblings, um, on that side. And so, uh, we make sure that that's kind of part of, part of us. So when we talk about family, um, that, that we talk about all of that,

Jess: I love that. Well, I think Amy had a great idea about having you read your book for everyone that hasn't read it so they can get a, get a glimpse of it.

Allison: Yes. Hold on. Just wanted to read this one. Okay. Hmm hmm. All right. Yeah, I can read it. All right. And then I just asked for this part with the reading of this. Not to post this part on, um, yeah, yeah. For the recording.

Jess: Absolutely. I am going to stop just so

Allison: that would be great.

About the speaker: Allison Olson

Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. Her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky" child to the “loved" child.

In preparing for the adoption of her youngest daughter she purchased all the well-known children’s adoption books on the market, but felt they were all missing some key elements. She wanted to write a book that showed all of the love that surrounds the adoptee from both the birth and adoptive families. The goal of the book “Surrounded by Love” is to help build confidence and self-esteem in young adoptees.

Being born in 1979, Allison was part of a closed adoption which is why she wants to celebrate open adoption and make sure there are children’s adoption books that reflective the birth mother and family in a positive light to help normalize this loving relationship.

Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their adventurous cat named Howie Meowie.

To learn more about Allison, or to purchase a copy of Surrounded by Love, visit Our Adoption Books.