5 Tips on Staying Positive During the Adoption Process

5 Tips to Eliminate Anxiety and Invite Peace into Your Adoption Process Wait

Somewhere in the middle of trying to conceive and waiting to adopt, I started to notice daily distractions that were causing me anxiety and unrest. I noticed negativity while scrolling through social media. I noticed longing when viewing birth announcements and family hospital pictures. I noticed a defensive attitude when discussing our family’s choice to adopt with others.

For awhile, I sat stuck in this space fueling my sadness and frustration. Scrolling through pictures with judgment and reading comments with a critical eye.

“They should put a hat on that baby or it will get cold. Why did they choose that name?”

Eventually I realized the negative energy I was conjuring was absolutely under my control. I could choose to step away from these distractions that were robbing me of a joyful and expectant adoption wait. I could make an effort to change the wait from a passage of anxious time into an intentional time of peace.

With this in mind, I identified the distractions that were triggering the negative feelings and worked to remove them from my days. Below is a personal list of items that would stir anxiety and discontent in my wait.

Adoption Agency & Consultant Social Media

I assume that adoption professionals intend to draw in new waiting adoptive families when they announce matches and show images of newborn babies with overjoyed new parents. However, these particular posts usually stirred longing and a feeling of “why not us?” in my soul. If you are also experiencing these feelings, I suggest deleting these accounts from your news feed.

Baby Showers

Early on in our family building while we were still trying to conceive, baby showers brought feelings of sadness for me. If this is the same for you, I suggest skipping these events. If the event is for someone you are close to, have a conversation with them about your struggles. If you decide to still attend, make space to process your emotions once the event is over. It is normal to feel joy for another person while simultaneously feeling grief for yourself.

Friends/Acquaintances Social Media

If you notice negative emotions while scrolling through the social media of your friends and family members, make an effort to remove this distraction. Seeing your co-worker’s surprise pregnancy (again) or daily updates from your cousin on her baby’s weight gain can become too much during the wait. Decide if you should block a certain group of friends for a while or step away from social media completely.

Adoption Discussion With Strangers

It is likely that your plans to adopt will come up in most conversations. This is a huge life event for you! When the stranger at the grocery store or an acquaintance at a work event starts into a rant filled with unfriendly adoption language or uneducated views of adoption ethics, you are allowed to change the topic or walk away. Most days of your wait you will find yourself lacking in energy to educate others about adoption and that is okay.

Negative Comments From Family Members

See comments above under “Adoption Discussion With Strangers.” Walk away.

Do these same distractions trigger you? Can you add to this list? What can you do right now to eliminate things that are bringing you anxiety?

After you have identified and removed distractions from your wait, focus on adding moments of joy and quiet reflection to your days. Find a support system of other waiting adoptive families to walk with you through this season. Use this time to educate yourself on adoption ethics and positive adoption language. Seek out social media accounts of adoptive parents who have been through the wait and love to share their journey. Read books written by other members of the triad including birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents.

During your adoption journey, I encourage you to search your heart for what encourages you and to search your heart for what troubles you. Take action to include more encouragement and less pain while you wait. Although we live in a social world where rest and privacy are not valued, we can choose these things for ourselves. We can choose to turn our wait from a passing of anxious time to an intentional time of peace.