5 Post-Placement Tips for Adoptive Families: We Adopted a Baby, Now What?

Five Post-Placement Tips to Consider

With preparation, education, and support, you can make the most of the post-placement period and cherish this special time with your child. Here are some heartfelt tips to help new adoptive parents get ready for the beautiful journey ahead.

Prepare for Post Placement Visits

Post-placement visits vary depending on the state you live in and agency or attorney requirements. Regardless, you can expect several post-placement visits from your social worker in the months following placement, prior to finalization. These in-home visits are simply an opportunity to assess the well-being of the child as well as the adoptive parents, and ensure the family is adjusting well to their new reality.

As far as preparation for these visits, be sure to save copies of your child’s:

• Hospital discharge paperwork and any pediatric or medical visit summaries including...
• Child well-checks,
• Immunization records,
• Illness visits, and
• Specialist referrals.

You will likely give an overview of your child’s development thus far including eating and sleeping habits, health, and milestones.

Furthermore, be prepared to discuss any concerns or struggles you might be experiencing as a newly adoptive parent with your social worker. They are there to support you and can provide access to resources to help you navigate the first few months of adoptive parenthood.

Seek Out Support

Find a local or virtual adoption support group, mental health professional, or online adoption community you can turn to for advice and support. The adoption community is ever-growing and is always willing to embrace new adoptive families. Be open to sharing the struggles you’re enduring with someone you trust, and also be willing to offer help to others if there is something you’ve found helpful on your journey thus far.

Know an adoptive family personally? Now is the time to reach out for mentorship. If self-help is more your style, check out Creating a Family’s list of book recommendations for adoptive families. Whatever method you choose, lean on the support system you’ve built for yourself and your family. No one needs to navigate adoption alone.

If you live in the state of Texas, consider joining PairTree’s Texas Post Placement Support Group where you can share resources and ideas, voice concerns and struggles, and seek support from fellow Texas PairTree families.

Take Time to Bond

Absolutely make the most of your parental leave from work, and simply soak in these precious moments with your baby.

In our fast-paced society, it might seem uncomfortable at first to “lounge” at home, but this is your time to be present, rest, bond with your child, and explore your new family dynamic. Accept help from loved ones offering to provide dinners, clean, and run errands, but also learn to set boundaries with friends and family. The bonding stage of adoption is a key time for new parents and “cocooning” or “nesting” is considered a healthy avenue to build these attachments between parents and child.

The idea is simply to slow down, settle into a routine within your core family, and limit the primary care of the newly adopted child to only Mom or Dad. These practices and initial interactions between parent and child are the foundation for bonding, for both sides of the relationship.

This is time you will never get back, so ensure you’re spending it wisely (and don’t forget to nap!).

Consider the Relationship with your Child’s Birth Family

If you and your child’s birth family have opted for a semi-open or open adoption arrangement, chances are you’re facing some decisions about how to navigate that relationship.

You might already have a communication plan in place which may include the use of email or a dedicated app to share updates, milestones, and photos, or you may be in regular contact with the birth family through phone calls, texting, or even in-person visits. No matter the method, these first few months of communication are crucial in building a positive, respectful, and healthy connection between your family and your child’s birth family. Take time to self-reflect and assess your willingness to share your child’s important milestones and special occasions with their birth family.

If your child’s birth family opted to receive updates, they will be thrilled to know their child is safe, happy, and healthy, and will find peace in their decision to entrust their baby with you. If you have concerns about the avenues, content, or extent of communication, reach out to your agency, social worker, or adoption professional who can help you determine the best course of action moving forward.

Plan your Responses

“How much did your baby cost?”

“How could someone give up their own child?”

“It’s too bad you couldn’t have your own children.”

Cringe! Your neighbor, butcher, and great aunt twice removed will all have opinions about adoption, many of them unfounded and without proper education. These comments, often insensitive, increase exponentially following placement, and even more so as you take your child out and about.

While not taking these remarks personally is difficult, having planned responses (in lieu of our knee-jerk, mama-bear reactions) can not only help you through awkward conversations, but can also serve as teachable moments.

When planning your responses to well-meaning family members and friends, it’s also important to discuss just how much of your child’s story you want to share. Details about their birth family, medical history, prenatal exposure, why their birth parents chose to place them for adoption…those details should be saved for your child, and they should be allowed to decide how much they share and when.

Not sure just what to say?  The editors of Adoptive Families Magazine have put together an amazing guide to Positive Adoption Conversations aimed at helping parents prepare for challenging adoption discussions in a myriad of settings and different stages of life.

Parenthood is nothing if not unpredictable, but with the right support, some planning, and lots of love, it’s nothing you can’t handle, even in the world of adoption. Adoption is both messy and beautiful, and despite its unique challenges, can be navigated with grace. So snuggle your little one, take a deep breath, and enjoy the ride.