Top 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Self-Matching in Adoption

Self-matching is quickly becoming as normal an approach to adopting a baby as the conventional adoption agency route. While there are a lot of benefits to self-matching, the decision to pursue self-matching as your adoption method should be made just like any other method – with careful consideration. It’s a personal decision that is right for some, but not all.

We believe Adopting Families and Expectant Moms should connect directly, guided by licensed, ethical adoption professionals, which is why we built PairTree Connect.

This is the first time in history when adopting families and expectant moms have grown up with the internet, online dating and social media –– and are far more comfortable starting a relationship online and then moving into the real world.

Expectant Moms are almost exclusively on mobile phones. On PairTree expectant moms get to determine which adopting families they talk with, how long they continue to talk with those families and if/when they feel comfortable moving forward with those families. This is not a deal to be brokered. The expectant mom and adopting family are the ones that will determine what the future looks like. They are ones whose opinion matters. They are ones that will work together in service to their child.

(And yes we recognize that sometimes those conversations need some moderation or guidance, in which case they should be moderated by a completely objective party -- not one that stands to gain financially based on the outcome.)

Matching Fact:

Don't worry...the team at PairTree can help you decide the best combination for you.

Having worked with thousands of adopting families, we've started to see some patterns. The people who have success with a self-matching method are the people whose expectations align with the self-matching adoption method.

3 Questions for You Before Pursuing Self-Matching

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Are we willing to wait 9 months?

On average, self-matching takes 9 months. Sure, it can happen before… and yes, it can absolutely take longer. But on average, an adoptive family will match with an expectant mother within 9 months. Tip: Pick one online profile platform, and stick with it vs jumping around on platforms. (You can always add another one). Know that with time and patience, the self-matching process can identify a match based on personality traits that align with the birth mother’s vision for the child’s future.

2. Am I willing to take the reins and put the work in?

Those that are self-matching typically want a little more control over the adoption process. Sure, you can kick back and let your profile do the work, but the individuals and couples that take a more active role in self-matching typically have more success. How can you play a more active role? Promote yourself! Send your profile to everyone you know. Post to social media on a regular basis – and tag #PairTree to boost your exposure. Don’t be afraid to bring adoption up in conversations, as you never know who might connect you to your child. Those that ask for help (encourage others to share your story and share your profile, too!) are also more likely to find a match. And you might even consider boosting your profile on Facebook or Instagram for some extra exposure…$30-$50/week will serve your post up to hundreds if not thousands of people.

3. Am I a resilient person?

This question is true for any method of family-building, and it doesn’t just apply to self-matching, or adoption as a whole. Adoption is a journey of high-highs and low-lows. Your journey may include disappointment, happiness, doubt, excitement, fear, joy, relief and everything in between. Depending on your journey, there may be scams along the way, unavoidable disruptions, awkward conversations, and more… but they will all read to the greatest joy of your life. And after all, it’s your story to unfold.

What do you think?

Any questions we missed? Let us know at hello@pairtreefamily.com.